Are You Enabling or Supporting Your Emerging Adult?

Let’s say your 24-year-old is working hard, just not in the way you imagined.

They’re not at a traditional 9 to 5.
They’re not in a rush to leave home.
And you’re wondering… Is this okay? Or am I enabling them?

I recently got an email from a mom facing this exact situation.
Her son graduated in 2024.
He’s doing Spark deliveries, pursuing sports writing, and learning about investing.
He’s engaged and motivated, but he’s still living at home.

She asked me, “Should I force him to get a real job?”

Here’s what I told her:

A "Real Job" Isn’t About the Paycheck

We tend to equate “real job” with traditional hours, benefits, and a boss. But for many young adults today, meaningful work looks different.

What matters more than the label is whether your emerging adult is:
✔ Building real-world skills
✔ Taking ownership of their time
✔ Moving toward independence

If they’re working, trying, and growing, not numbing out or avoiding life, it might be time to redefine what progress looks like.

What’s the Difference Between Supporting and Enabling?

This is the question so many parents are asking right now. Here's a simple way to tell:

• Enabling means shielding your child from the natural consequences of their choices. It keeps them dependent.
• Supporting means walking alongside them, with boundaries. It creates accountability and connection.
  
  

So how do you support without enabling?

💡 Set shared goals. For example:
“We’d love to see you financially independent by the end of 2026. Let’s talk about what that timeline could look like for you.”

💡 Then step back. Let them take the lead.

They may not take the path you would have chosen, but they’ll feel ownership, and that creates motivation.

Try This Instead of “Get a Real Job”

Instead of pushing or criticizing, try asking:
“How can I support you in building a future that’s yours?”

This question keeps you out of the power struggle and gives your emerging adult space to keep learning and stretching. It’s not about lowering expectations. It’s about shifting the dynamic.

Because when you stay in relationship, when you communicate clearly and let them take healthy risks, they grow.

Not sure if you’re supporting or enabling? You’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure this out on your own.

Join the Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults Support Group for ongoing guidance, weekly calls, and a community that understands.