How to Have a Healthy Relationship with Your Adult Children

You’ve worked so hard to raise your kids, and now, they’re adults. You want to have a close, healthy relationship with them, but it can feel tricky to balance staying connected while letting go.

The truth is, your relationship will evolve and that’s a good thing. This new chapter calls for mutual respect, emotional maturity, and trust that the love you’ve built over the years is strong enough to grow with both of you.

Here are 10 guidelines to help you nurture that connection with warmth and confidence.

1. Remember, Your Children Are Your Greatest Teachers

Parenting doesn’t end when your child turns 18; it transforms. Be open to learning from your kids as they navigate adulthood; their experiences and perspectives may surprise you.

2. Watch Your Tone of Voice

Tone matters more than words. Even well-intentioned advice can sound critical if frustration creeps in. Keep your tone calm and curious so your words invite conversation instead of defensiveness.

3. Support Their Dreams, Not Yours

Your child isn’t here to fulfill your vision. Encourage them to chase goals that light them up, even if their path looks different from what you imagined.

4. Respect Their Partner Choices

Unless your emerging adult is in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, aim to accept their partner. Love often reveals qualities that outsiders can’t immediately see. Look for the redeeming aspects.

5. Own Your Mistakes

If your emerging adult brings up past hurts, listen without defending yourself. Acknowledge, apologize, and repair. Growth happens when you say, “I wish I’d handled that differently,” and mean it.

6. Respect Their Privacy

Avoid prying or peppering them with questions. Give space for them to share on their own terms. The more you respect their boundaries, the more they’ll invite you in.

7. Be Clear About Money

Money mixes best with honesty.

• Loans? Put it in writing.
• Gifts? Give with no strings attached.
  Clarity now prevents conflict later.

8. Let Go of the Past

Stop throwing old mistakes, yours or theirs, back into conversation. If you don’t want them doing it to you, don’t do it to them. Focus on who you’re both becoming, not who you were.

9. Get a Life (Yes, Really!)

The healthiest relationships come when parents have fulfilling lives of their own. Explore hobbies, travel, volunteer, or take up something new. It gives you joy, and more to talk about together.

10. Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries keep love steady. Ask yourself:

• What am I comfortable helping with?
• How often do I want to babysit or lend support?
• Where might resentment creep in if I don’t speak up?
  Clarity helps you stay generous and grounded.

A Loving Reminder

One of the greatest joys in parenting is when your children become adults, and they want to spend time with you. That happens when love, respect, and boundaries work together.

Start small. Choose one guideline to practice this week. Progress, not perfection, is the goal.

Which of these 10 guidelines feels most challenging for you right now?
I’d love to hear. Share in the comments or join my Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults group for weekly guidance, connection, and support.