How to Reach a Stuck, Shut-Down Emerging Adult Without Losing Hope

They’re hiding in their room.

Maybe they’re sleeping all day. Maybe they come out for food or to scroll on their phone, then disappear again. You’ve tried talking, pleading, encouraging, even threatening, but nothing changes. You’re scared, frustrated, and heartbroken.

If this sounds familiar, please know this: you are not alone. Many parents of emerging adults (ages 18–30) are watching their kids retreat from life, unsure how to help them re-engage.

But before you can reach your child, it helps to understand why they’re hiding.

Why They’re Hiding

Your son or daughter might be hiding because…

• They can’t cope with the pressures of adulthood.
• They feel ashamed or like they’ve failed.
• They don’t know their purpose yet.
• They feel they’ve disappointed you or themselves.
• They’re using screens, substances, or gaming to escape reality.
• They feel hopeless, anxious, or disconnected.

What’s keeping them isolated isn’t laziness, it’s pain. When a young adult feels lost, the safest place often feels like behind a closed door.

What Won’t Bring Them Out

It’s natural to want to “fix” things. But here’s what doesn’t work:

• Lecturing or reminding them of everything they’re not doing.
• Speaking with disappointment or anger.
• Trying to control their behavior or force them to change.
• Spending hours doom-scrolling or comparing your family to others.

Those reactions, though understandable, push your child further away. They already feel stuck. What they need is a parent who can lead with calm, confidence, and compassion.

What Will Bring Them Out

You can’t force your child to come out of their room, but you can create an environment that makes it safe for them to try.

That starts with you.

• Step out of “I’m the parent, you’ll listen to me” mode. Instead, come alongside your child as a compassionate partner in problem-solving.
• Be consistent. Small steps, repeated over time, rebuild trust.
• Stay clear. Know your own boundaries. What you’ll do and what you won’t.
• Stay calm. Even when your child is dysregulated or angry, your composure models safety.
• Lead with confidence, not fear. They need to see you steady, not scared.

You don’t need to control them; you need to model the emotional maturity they’re still developing.

Your Role as the Parent

You are the parent. You are the leader.

That doesn’t mean being in control of their every move. It means being a confident, steady presence in their lives. A parent who says what they mean, follows through, and doesn’t give up.

• Don’t make promises or threats you won’t follow through on.
• If there are two parents in the home, get on the same page.
• Seek support like coaching, counseling, or a group, so you can stay strong and united.

Consistency from you builds security for them. When your actions match your words, they slowly begin to trust again, both in you and in themselves.

The Epidemic of “Stuck” Emerging Adults

This isn’t just happening in your home. The number of young adults struggling to launch, find purpose, or face life’s pressures has reached epidemic levels. But there is hope.

I’ve seen countless families move from fear and frustration to connection and forward movement. Not because the parent made the child change, but because they began to show up differently.

With compassion.
With clarity.
With confidence.

If your son or daughter feels lost, they can be found.

Sometimes it’s not about money, therapy, or resources. It’s about your presence, your calm, and your consistency. When you stop trying to fix and start trying to connect, things begin to shift.

I believe in your ability to lead your family through this. You don’t have to do it perfectly, just with intention and love.

Because when a parent changes the way they show up, everything in the home starts to change.

If this message resonates with you, consider joining my Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults group. Together, we’ll work on showing up differently, calm, clear, and confident, as your child learns to step out of that room and into their next chapter.