How to Rebuild Respect and Set Boundaries with Your Emerging Adult

Here’s something hard, but important:
If your emerging adult knows you won’t follow through on what you say, they’ll stop taking you seriously.

Parents tell me, “I’ve told them if they don’t help out, they’re out of the house.”
But here’s what I know: many of your kids don’t believe you.
They’ve told me directly.

They say things like, “I know my parents won’t actually kick me out. They always say it, but they won’t do it.”

That might feel harsh, but it’s reality.
And when you make threats you don’t intend to follow through on, you unintentionally disempower yourself and open the door for even more resistance and disrespect.

Respect Goes Both Ways

If you're feeling disrespected by your emerging adult, if the only conversations you have turn into arguments, it’s time to zoom out and look at the whole picture.

Chances are, they are not being rude for no reason.
Often, disrespect is a symptom of not feeling heard, seen, or accepted, especially when they were younger.

Some young adults grow up believing they had to perform a certain way to earn love. Get good grades. Be the easy one. Meet unspoken expectations.

Maybe that was how you were raised too. You may have shown respect to your own parents, but never really felt it. You just knew you had to keep the peace.

But today’s kids?
They don’t pretend.
If they don’t feel respected or emotionally safe, they won't give you fake politeness.
They’ll push back, isolate, or disengage entirely.

Boundaries Without Relationship Don’t Stick

Setting boundaries is important. But if your relationship with your emerging adult is broken or brittle, boundaries won’t land, they’ll feel like punishment.

That’s why reconnection comes first.

If your emerging adult is living at home, barely interacting, unemployed or underemployed, and unwilling to help around the house… yelling at them or threatening eviction won’t fix it. All it does is reinforce the emotional distance.

Instead, shift the energy. Start rebuilding connection. Ask meaningful questions. Make space for real conversations outside of conflict.

Because here’s the truth:
It’s easier for them to stay in your home and fight with you now and then than it is to face the discomfort of growing up. They’ll stay stuck if the home environment stays stuck too.

But when the relationship is rebuilt, when mutual respect starts to take root, then your boundaries won’t feel like punishments. They’ll feel like expectations. And your emerging adult will be more likely to rise to meet them.

The Goal Isn’t Control. It’s Connection.

Ultimately, we don’t want our adult kids to stay out of obligation.
We don’t want the relationship to be transactional, “You live here, so you owe me.”

We want them to want to spend time with us.
To feel safe in our presence.
To choose to stay connected, even when they no longer depend on us.

So don’t let this messy middle, the launching years, define your long-term relationship.

You can have boundaries and connection.
You can lead with truth and still be rooted in love.
And you can start rebuilding, even if things have felt broken for a while.

If this sounds like your home, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Join us in the Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults group, where we’re learning how to parent with clarity, compassion, and confidence together.