How to Set Clear Expectations Before Your College Student Comes Home

Let’s be honest—last summer? It nearly broke you.

The late nights.
The endless gaming.
The "I applied for jobs" with no follow-through.
The pile of laundry, wet towels, missed curfews, and constant tension.

You didn’t sign up to run Hotel Mom & Dad. And this year?
It’s going to be different.

But here’s the thing: shouting the rules and hoping they’ll stick isn’t going to cut it. Neither will sarcastic lectures or vague threats. What your emerging adult needs—and what you need—is a clear, respectful reset before summer even begins.

So how do you do that?

1. Have the Conversation Before They Walk Through the Door

The first day home isn’t the time to set expectations. Instead, schedule a conversation while they’re still at school or before they fully settle in. Use a calm tone and approach it like a collaborative reset. Try:

“Hey, I’ve been thinking about how to make this summer feel better for both of us. Can we set up a time to talk through what living at home looks like?”

2. Set Clear, Specific Expectations

This is the moment to move from vague frustrations to clear agreements. Be honest about what didn’t work last time and what needs to change—with clarity. For example:

• ✅ Curfews: “I need to sleep. If you’re living here, I’m asking that you’re home by X time.”
• ✅ Job Hunting: “I’ll ask you weekly to share what jobs you’ve applied for. I expect follow-through.”
• ✅ Chores & Room Maintenance: “Your room doesn’t need to be spotless, but no wet towels or garbage piles. We’re sharing a space.”

This isn’t control—it’s about mutual respect.

3. Talk Consequences—Not Threats

It’s okay to discuss what happens if expectations aren’t met. But frame it around choices, not punishment. Try:

“If we can’t agree on curfews or household responsibilities, it may not work for you to stay here full-time this summer.”
This gives them agency, and it gives you peace.

4. Keep the Door Open for Feedback

Remember, they’re adults in training. You don’t have to run your house like a dictatorship. Ask for their input. Listen. Compromise where appropriate—but stand firm where it matters most for your well-being.

This summer doesn’t have to be a repeat of last year.
It can be more peaceful, more respectful, and more balanced—with the right structure in place.

And if you want ongoing support for the summer (and beyond), I invite you to join my Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults Support Group. It’s a space for real talk, practical tools, and the community you need to parent with confidence.

👉 Click here to join the support group. You don’t have to figure this out alone.