How to Start Turning Things Around When Your Emerging Adult Isn't Launching

If your 20-something is still living at home, stuck, and not taking meaningful steps toward independence, you’re not alone. So many parents in this season are walking on eggshells, fearful of pushing too hard or not doing enough.

The most common mistakes I see?
Doing nothing out of fear, or trying to change everything overnight. Neither works, and both leave you feeling more powerless than before.

So let’s talk about what does help.

Stop Doing What They Should Be Doing for Themselves

It starts with letting go.

If you’re still filling out job applications for them, doing their laundry, or funding their daily Uber Eats habit, you’re not helping, you’re enabling. These comforts may feel like love, but they delay growth. And deep down, you know it.

Start handing back the responsibility that belongs to them. Your support is still valuable, but not when it’s taking over tasks they’re capable of learning and doing themselves.

Tie Expectations to Effort, Not Just Outcomes

Telling your son or daughter, “You need to have a job by Friday,” might sound like accountability, but it actually sets them up for resistance or shutdown, especially if they’re struggling with motivation, anxiety, or shame.

Instead, shift the focus to effort.
Say: “I’d like to see that you’ve applied to five jobs by Friday. Show me what you’ve done.” That’s measurable, specific, and achievable, even if they don’t land a job right away.

The real growth isn’t in the result, it’s in the consistent action.

Make Discomfort Part of the Plan

This part is hard. Watching them struggle, feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or disappointed, can trigger every caregiving instinct in your body. But hear me: growth is supposed to feel uncomfortable.

It’s not your job to rescue them from every hard moment. It’s your job to lead them through it.

Let discomfort be part of the experience. It builds resilience. It creates urgency. It’s often the very thing that nudges them forward.

You’re Not Here to Make It Easy, You’re Here to Lead

This season of parenting isn’t about keeping the peace or making the emerging adult in your life comfortable. It’s about leadership. That means stepping into hard conversations, resetting expectations, and holding firm with love.

And yes, it will feel awkward at first. Maybe even painful.
But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

You can lead with clarity and compassion. You can hold boundaries without being cruel. And you can stop carrying the full emotional weight of their future, because it doesn’t all belong to you.

What’s one house rule you know needs to change in your home? Let’s talk about it. Join my Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults support group. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

👉 Click here to join the support group.