Parenting Neurodivergent Emerging Adults

Over the years, parents have asked me this question again and again:

“Does your advice apply to parents of neurodivergent emerging adults, or do they need a completely different approach?”

Here’s what I want you to know.

Yes, this approach still applies, because the fundamentals of healthy parenting don’t change.

Every emerging adult, neurodivergent or not, needs:

• Clear, healthy boundaries
• Respectful communication
• Accountability
• Parents who stay regulated instead of getting pulled into chaos

Those needs don’t disappear because a child is autistic, has ADHD, anxiety, or other neurodivergent wiring.

What does change is how support is delivered.

“Won’t” vs. “Can’t”

With neurodivergent emerging adults, the issue usually isn’t laziness or not caring.

More often, it’s:

• Executive function challenges
• Overwhelm and burnout
• Anxiety
• Demand avoidance

That means a lot of what looks like won’t is actually can’t.

And when parents misinterpret can’t as won’t, shame sneaks in, and shame shuts everything down.

Adjust the Support, Not the Expectations

Let me be very clear about this:

Neurodivergent does not mean no expectations. It means pairing expectations with scaffolding.

This often looks like:

• Fewer words, more clarity
• Concrete, small steps instead of long lectures
• Written plans instead of emotional debates
• Predictable routines
• Smaller goals that build momentum and confidence

The goal isn’t to lower the bar. It’s to build the ramp.

The Line I Want You to Remember

Same standards. Better supports.

That’s the balance.

Most families are dealing with both can’t and won’t. So we do two things at the same time:

• We stop shaming.
• We stop rescuing.

Instead, we build skills and hold boundaries calmly and consistently.

Trust Yourself as the Parent

If you’re following me for parenting advice, I expect you to filter what I share through your own lived experience.

Because nobody knows your son or daughter better than you.

You are allowed to:

• Adjust the approach
• Individualize the support
• Advocate fiercely
• Hold expectations with compassion

That’s not being too soft. That’s being an effective, confident parent.

You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone

Parenting a neurodivergent emerging adult can feel overwhelming, isolating, and confusing, especially when traditional advice doesn’t quite fit.

This is the work I do with parents every day.

If you want support learning how to hold boundaries, build skills, and stay regulated while honoring your child’s unique wiring, I invite you to join my Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults group.

Join the Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults group for guidance, clarity, and support.