The Hidden Key to Cooperation with Your Emerging Adult

Something I don’t think parents understand…but is vitally important…is this:

The quality of your relationship often dictates the level of your emerging adult’s cooperation.

Let that sink in.

Think about it…

If they’re not emotionally invested in the relationship with you, why would they wash the dishes without an argument? Why would they take initiative to get a job,or listen to your advice if they’re constantly feeling judged, pressured, or disconnected?

They know what needs to be done. But if it feels like doing it is just going to please or appease you, especially in a tense or strained relationship, they’ll often resist. 

Not because they’re lazy. Not because they don’t care. But because when the relationship feels adversarial, every request starts to feel like a battle of control.

The Real Work? Investing in the Relationship

Parents, I get it. You’re exhausted. You’ve poured yourself into raising this child, and now, as they hover between childhood and adulthood, it feels like everything is unraveling.

You’re not alone.

But here's the shift:
You’re not just launching them into adulthood, you are building the foundation for the adult relationship you'll have with them for the rest of your life.

This stage, between high school and full independence, is one of the most mentally draining, emotionally charged parts of parenting. And not many people talk about it.

It’s the stage where your role changes, but your heart stays deeply connected.

And the truth is, you can’t force cooperation.
But you can foster it by building trust, respect, and emotional connection.

Here's What That Can Look Like:

• Instead of asking, “Why don’t you ever listen to me?”
  Ask, “How can I understand what’s going on for you right now?”
  
• Instead of pushing them to move faster,
  Sit beside them in the discomfort of not having it all figured out.
  
• Instead of letting your fear or frustration drive the conversation,
  Let curiosity and compassion guide your words.
  
  

Because at the end of the day, this isn’t about getting them to comply. It’s about showing them you care more about who they are than what they do.

That connection? That’s what leads to real cooperation.
Not manipulation. Not control.
Relationship.

This chapter is hard, but it’s not the whole story.

So for your sake, and theirs, invest in the relationship. Get to know who your emerging adult is today. Meet them where they are, not where you wish they were. And trust that the seeds you plant now, of empathy, respect, and love, will grow into the long-term relationship you both deserve.

Want support navigating this challenging chapter? Join me in the Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults support group. Twice-weekly Zoom calls, real talk, and tools that truly help. Let’s do this together. 

👉 Click here to join the support group. You don’t have to figure this out alone.