Using the “Let Them” Theory to Set Boundaries With Your Emerging Adult
May 05, 2025
If you’re parenting an emerging adult who’s struggling to find direction, make healthy choices, or take accountability, you might feel like you're constantly stuck in the middle—trying to help without enabling, setting boundaries without feeling like the bad guy.
Enter the Let Them theory.
It’s not about giving up. It’s about letting go of the things you were never meant to control—and reclaiming your peace in the process.
Here are five powerful, real-life examples of how to apply the Let Them theory with your emerging adult:
1. Let Them Resist Help. Let Me Stop Rescuing.
If they’re not ready to manage their mental health or address their substance use, let them experience the consequences of avoiding it.
That doesn’t mean you stop caring—it means you stop micromanaging their recovery and start protecting your own energy.
2. Let Them Stay Up All Night. Let Me Stop Rearranging My Life.
If your emerging adult is gaming until 4am and sleeping all day, let them live in the chaos they’re creating.
You do not need to tiptoe around their schedule or put your life on hold. Instead, choose to live your life with purpose and clarity.
- Let Them Ignore the Rent Deadline. Let Me Follow Through.
When they miss a payment, follow through—without guilt.
No Wi-Fi? No car? That’s part of adulting. If you keep softening the consequences, they’ll keep avoiding responsibility.
4. Let Them Blame Me. Let Me Stay Grounded.
When your child lashes out and blames you, don’t get pulled into the drama.
If they’re projecting pain, let them. You don’t need to defend yourself. Instead, remain calm, grounded, and firm in your boundaries.
5. Let Them Make Mistakes. Let Me Trust They Can Learn.
This one might be the hardest. But letting them struggle is part of helping them grow.
They might choose the wrong relationship. Or quit a job without a backup plan. Or blow through money. Let them. Then step back, and trust that they can learn from the experience.
The Let Them theory is not about disengaging. It’s about believing in your child’s ability to grow through discomfort. It’s about trusting that your parenting has laid a strong foundation—and now it’s time for them to build on it.
So this month, ask yourself:
What am I trying to manage that was never mine to control?
And then—let it go.
Ready to learn how to set clear, compassionate boundaries that empower your emerging adult to grow? I help parents navigate this every day through private coaching, support group calls, and a monthly class designed to help you stop enabling and start empowering your emerging adult.
Register for Weekly Parent Support Calls.
You can stop managing their life and start living yours—with peace, clarity, and confidence.
