When You and Your Partner Aren’t on the Same Page About Your Emerging Adult

“For God’s sake… how many more speeding tickets are we going to cover?
How many more treatment centers, therapists, or attorney fees are we going to pay for?”

Maybe you’ve said something like this to your spouse.
Maybe you’ve heard it said to you.

And maybe, underneath that frustration, is the deeper truth:
We’re not on the same page, and we haven’t been for a long time.

It’s one of the most common issues I see when a family is navigating the pain of a struggling emerging adult: the parents are trying to lead from two different playbooks.

One parent wants to give more chances.
The other wants to lay down stricter rules.

One is emotionally overwhelmed and checks out.
The other tries to fix it all and burns out.

Over time, this misalignment creates confusion, resentment, and more chaos, for everyone.

Including your emerging adult.

The Real Problem Isn’t Just Your Son or Daughter, It’s the Pattern

Your emerging adult may be struggling with addiction, mental health challenges, or chronic avoidance of adult responsibilities. That’s real, and it matters.

But here’s what’s also true:
When parents aren’t united, the dysfunction deepens.

You become part of a system your emerging adult learns to navigate, manipulate, or collapse into. Without shared boundaries, a clear plan, and unified communication, they stay stuck, and the home becomes a revolving door of conflict, crisis, and emotional exhaustion.

You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone

If you’ve had the same fight with your partner over and over again, and nothing changes… it may be time to bring someone else into the conversation.

That might be a parenting coach, a therapist, a pastor, or a trusted third party, someone outside of the emotional tornado who can help you both pause, reflect, and create a cohesive plan of action.

This isn’t about blaming each other. It’s about getting honest and getting help so your family can begin to move forward, together.

Because the longer you remain divided, the more your emerging adult stays immobilized.
And the older they get, the harder it becomes to shift the dynamic.

The First Step? Agreement.

You don’t need to agree on everything overnight.
But you do need to agree something has to change.
That enabling isn’t working. That confusion isn’t compassion.
And that you both want your emerging adult to grow, even if it’s messy, slow, or uncomfortable.

From there, with the right support, a real plan can begin to take shape.

If you and your partner are feeling stuck, divided, or overwhelmed, we talk about this often in the Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults group. You’ll find tools and support to help you parent with more unity, clarity, and strength.