When Your Emerging Adult Has a Job, but Spends All Their Money on Junk, Alcohol, and Weed

Every now and then, I get a message from a parent that really hits a nerve, and shines a light on a different kind of parenting challenge. It goes something like this:

“My 20-year-old didn’t go to college, has struggled with a few jobs, but finally landed an office job he loves. That’s the good news.
The hard part?
He spends almost every penny on junk food, alcohol, and weed.
Sometimes I wonder if him having a job is actually making things worse.”

Let’s talk about that.

Employment Isn’t the Problem, Lack of Structure Is

First of all, having a job your emerging adult enjoys? That’s a win.
He’s no longer sitting at home disengaged or hopping from one miserable gig to another.
This office job gives him purpose, structure, and, hopefully, room to grow.

The issue isn’t that he has income. The issue is how he’s using it.

And more importantly, what kind of structure exists around that income.

If your emerging adult is living at home, eating your groceries, using your Wi-Fi, sleeping under your roof, and you’re not charging rent, expecting contribution, or creating boundaries around finances, then it’s no wonder all his income goes straight to the vending machine, liquor store, or dispensary.

He’s Grown Enough to Work, He’s Grown Enough to Contribute

This is not about punishing him for working.
It’s about recognizing too much unstructured, discretionary income can fuel unhealthy habits, and it’s your job to help introduce financial boundaries, just like you would with behavior.

That might look like:

• Charging weekly rent (even if you secretly save it for him)
• Asking him to contribute toward groceries or shared expenses
• Requiring him to put a small portion into a savings or retirement account

This isn’t controlling, it’s coaching.
And yes, he should still have some fun money. But if he’s using every paycheck to self-soothe in unhealthy ways, it’s time to step in with firm, fair expectations.

Financial Responsibility Is a Life Skill

It’s easy to get stuck in the mindset of “Well, it’s his money.” And sure, to a degree, it is.

But if your adult child is living at home and being subsidized in any way, whether through free housing, utilities, phone, or insurance, you absolutely have a right to say, “Here’s what living here costs, and here’s what I expect you to contribute.”

Why? Because you’re not just protecting your boundaries.
You’re modeling the financial habits, expectations, and adult realities you want them to understand.

This isn’t about control. It’s about equipping them to live independently.

If your emerging adult is working but spending in ways that concern you, you’re not alone. Join the Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults group to get support, ideas, and a judgment-free space to talk about it.