When Your Emerging Adult Pushes Your Buttons

“My son really knows how to push my buttons.”

I hear this from parents all the time. And honestly? We’ve all lived it.

One minute you’re fine. The next minute, something small happens, and suddenly you’re flooded with heat, anger, and the urge to yell or set them straight.

And afterward, you’re left thinking, I don’t like the person I become in those moments.

Here’s what I’ve coached clients to do instead.

The Moment Everything Almost Went Sideways

Last week, Jane* mentioned rent to her son.

He rolled his eyes. He slammed his door.

And there it was… that familiar rush in her chest. The urge to follow him down the hall. The urge to raise her voice. The urge to “fix” it right now.

But instead of reacting, she stopped.

She planted her feet. She took a deep breath in for four counts. Held it for two. Then exhaled slowly for six.

The pause gave Jane’s brain time to catch up with her body.

Once her nervous system settled, she named what she was actually feeling, not to him, but to herself.

I’m angry because I value respect in my home.
I feel disrespected right now.

That clarity mattered.

When Jane could see the feeling clearly, she didn’t have to be controlled by it. She could choose her response instead of reacting on autopilot.

Choosing Calm Doesn’t Mean Avoiding the Conversation

Staying calm doesn’t mean letting things slide.

Instead of storming down the hall like she normally might, Jane walked calmly to his door, knocked gently, and said:

“I want to talk about rent when we’re both calm.
Let’s discuss it after dinner.”

No yelling.
No lecture.
No power struggle.

Just a boundary and a plan.

Jane is Not Perfect, and You Don’t Have to Be Either

Let’s be clear: She still gets triggered. Jane still has moments where her patience wears thin.

But staying calm, even imperfectly, creates space. Space for respect. Space for real conversations. Space for both she and her son to show up better.

And here’s what I want you to remember:

Your calm really is contagious.

When you regulate yourself, you give your emerging adult the best chance to regulate too. You model the emotional maturity they’re still learning.

A Gentle Reminder for Parents

You don’t have to win the moment.
You don’t have to react instantly.
You don’t have to be perfect.

Pause.
Breathe.
Name what’s happening inside you.

Then respond with intention.

That’s how trust is built.
That’s how respect grows.
And that’s how the dynamic at home slowly starts to change.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Learning how to stay calm, set boundaries, and respond with intention doesn’t come naturally to most of us, especially when our emerging adults know exactly how to push our buttons.

This is the work I do with parents every day.

If you’re feeling stuck in reactive patterns and want support navigating these moments with more confidence and clarity, I invite you to join my Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults group.

It’s a supportive space where parents learn how to stay grounded, communicate clearly, and lead with calm, without yelling, rescuing, or walking on eggshells.

👉 Join the Empowered Parents of Emerging Adults group to get ongoing guidance and support.

*name and some of the details have been altered to protect client identity